The Saved wife's view
1. First and foremost, we are not obligated to do it.
2. Extension to rule #1- So if you get one, be grateful.
3. I don't care WHAT they did in the (before you were Saved) porn video you saw; it is not standard practice to finnish on someone's face.
4. Extension to rule #3- No I DON'T have to swallow.
5. My ears are NOT handles.
6. Extension to rule#5- do not push on the top of my
head. Last I heard, deep throat had been done. And
additionally, do you really WANT puke on your dick?
7. I don't care HOW relaxed you get' it is NEVER OK to
8. Having my monthly cycle does not mean that it's "hummer
week" -get it through your head- I'm bloated and I feel
like crap so no, I don't feel particularly obligated to
give you oral sex. So YOU can't have sex right now.
9. Extension to #8- "Blue balls" might have worked on high
school girls- if your that desperate, go hadle things by yourself, ONLY and
leave me alone with my Midol.
10. If I have to pause to remove a hair from my
teeth, don't tell me I've just "wrecked it" for you.
11. Leaving me in bed while you go play video games
immediately afterwards is highly inadvisable if you would
like my behavior to be repeated in the future.
12. If you like how we do it, it's probably best not to
speculate about the origins of our talent. Just enjoy
the moment and be happy that we're good at it. See also
rule #2 about gratitude.
13. No, it doesn't particularly taste good. And I don't
care about the protein content.
14. No, I will NOT do it while you watch TV.
15. When you hear your friends complain about how they
don't get blow jobs often enough, keep your mouth shut. It
is inappropriate to either sympathize or brag.
16. Just because "it's awake" when you get up does not
mean I have to "kiss it good morning".
A Saved husband's Rebuttal
1. First of all, yes you are obligated to do it. If you
don't we will find someone (younger, prettier, and
dirtier) who will.
2. Second, swallowing a teaspoon of cream is a hell of a
lot easier than licking a dead fish. hmmmm.
3. You want to talk about farting? does the word "queef"
mean anything to you?
4. I will use your ears as I see fit. Don't worry about
it and be thankful I'm not pulling your hair.
5. When you're on period, stuffing something in your
mouth is the only way to stop your shouting and moaning.
Suck it up.
6. Speaking of which, if are bleeding for five straight
days, you need all the fluids you can get, trust me.
7. You fuss about the taste , but trust me when I tell
you that we get the fishy end of the stick in flavor.
8. At least there is no danger of a me bleeding in your
9. Play with the loins.
10. No matter how good you think you are at it, we've had
11. Caress the ego, too. WE like that.
12. Make hay when the sun shines. It's "wide awake" in the
morning now, but when you get old and fat and looking for
some action, I gah-ron-tee it'll be "sound asleep".
13. If you swallow, then you don't have to worry about
getting any on your face and helping that acne, now will you?